Flash, Flash, Flash Goes The Camera. Document ALL THE THINGS

16 Mar

It was a rough emotional roller coaster last night, I ended up crying until 6am and finally fell asleep at about 7am then woke up today at 12:30, I kept thinking the rain outside was the sound of her drinking from her water bowl that I used to keep in my room.

Anyways once i got up I did my usual exercises, shower and forced myself to eat something. I realized I hadn’t really eaten much of anything but a salad in class yesterday. No appetite I guess. Then instead of tea I pulled out a bottle of Coke Zero, which I usually reserve for much needed on the job caffination (since I gave up Coffee its been a real life saver). I may have another one, even though I should save them for this weekends shift.

This whole thing is only just starting to hit me hard, dad had to physically stop me from bolting out into the rain to dig her up. I don’t like the idea of my baby outside alone in the dark 😦 and to top it all off it is also the 15th anniversary of my moms death today. WOW. What a week.

I will try to read my scriptures again today but since she died I have been slacking and I know it.

On a happy note, people are being pleasantly receptive to my bucket list when they read my blog 🙂 and have even been suggesting ways to help me cross off more things! Like dance lessons over by my university, which will be a test for both “Learn to dance” and “over coming social anxiety” DUNDUNDUUUUN. Committing to things is always the hardest. I need to learn to breeeeeathe and relax. HAHA.

I will keep you informed on the dancing, but for now let us move on tooooo *Drum roll*Image

Ongoing: “Document Bucket list Experiences” and “Overcome Social Anxiety”

         I kinda figured we would start at the top and work our way down through the ongoings, since their progress comes and goes with whatever I am doing at the time.

First off, what is an Ongoing project to me in relation to this list?

Well, its pretty straight forward. These are things I want to do (or probably should do for my own mental well being) that are either difficult to determine the readiness or completion, or may take an undetermined amount of time to complete. In this case we are looking at Documenting and overcoming social anxiety.

Documenting has always been a VERY important part of my life (and if you know me, you are most likely very irritated by it. BUT ONE DAY YOU WILL THANK ME.)

Image

Surprisingly, the only painful part of giving blood was when they pricked my finger for the iron test. They could at least of had some hello kitty band-aids...Just saying, just sayin.

By documenting, I am talking about taking pictures, videos, blogging my experiences and (like every self respecting HappyLittleArtist should) started a series of paintings to reflect my accomplishments…well, actually, calling it a series is jumping the gun just a little bit. Considering that I have only STARTED one….we shall see, we shall see.

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A painting for the first thing I checked off (get baptised) its still a work in progress :/ DON'T JUDGE ME. lol

Lastly, I wanted to talk about overcoming my social anxiety. 

Many people outside of my friends don’t realize how badly I suffer from this HAHA. I am pretty sneaky with my ninja tactics and hiding the fact that I really avoid doing anything social. I DO. NOT. LIKE. CROWDS. Or anything/anyone new. (probably why i have not as of yet, joined my church’s youth group, FOREVER ALONE 😉 ). When I started working on this I saw the group (more like family really <3) I frequent most with (and by most I mean usually only 3 times a year, yup its that bad HA) TWICE in one week. Needless to say, I think a few jaws dropped. Thus far we have gone mini golfing at the local games place, hung out at, what i like to consider, our club house (aka their acreage) AND I EVEN DID SOMETHING SPONTANEOUS (I am a plan ahead, no surprises type of person). A very good friend of mine (whom i had the pineapple dream about LOL) was randomly in town and I have been DIEING TO SEE HIM FOREVER. So, even though i was in the middle of an essay, it was 10pm at night (with school the next day) and I had no makeup on (ACK!!!! THE HORROR) I hopped in the mustang and we went off for a joy ride! Not surprisingly it was a blast 🙂 (even did some more mini golfing). Also, i recently went to a career fair at school with an amazing classmate I know. 🙂 she is awesome and I am really loving getting to know her. I feel as though she is helping push me along into social activities and university events i would never have considered before. I have even been to the on campus restaurant in between the two of us (and her hilarious boy toy) working on a photography project. There is not enough gratitude in the world to express to her at this moment, though I really should try.

Needless to say, this will absolutely be the hardest of my bucket list items to complete and it is not exactly clear on when or if I will ever be able to honestly cross it off. However, its important for me to try. I have come to realize that I cannot spend my entire life sitting at home alone watching Futurama and drinking Coke Zero in the dark. it did not make me happy and I felt like i have wasted half my life regretting the things I said i couldnt do, just because i was to scared to go out and socialize. So, I see this as an ongoing process, trying to breakthrough my tough exterior of mistrust and anxiety towards the outside world. This could very well be one of the more important aspects of this project that I will be working on.

Step one: Hang out more with the friends I have held for over a decade.

Step two: Hang out with more recent friends

Step three: Hang out with strangers/possible friends (*cringespasmdies*) <—-LETS LEAVE THIS FOR LAST? *scaaaaared* lol

 

I really hope my writing isnt to atrocious this time around. XD HAHA

Forever Changing (Hopefully for the better)

LUUUUUURV

TheHappyLittleArtist :3

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