Sleep Tight Furry Lover

14 Mar

          So last night after i wrote my blog (March 13, 2012 at 10:30pm) I watched my beautiful 20 year old manx kitty as her breathing slowed. I was petting her soft fuzzy fur as she gasped and passed away out of my life forever. I had to ask over 100 times for my dad to make sure she had died. “Are you sure shes dead?” he was surprisingly patient about it. Usually, we are not patient people and fight constantly.

I am devastated but so thankful i was able to grow old with such an amazing little spirit. She literally saved my life on more than one occassion when i was young and ready to end it all and when my mother passed away and she seemed to willingly take the role as my mama kitty. Which is still how i see her, it is literally like losing a parent all over again.

I surprisingly slept well last night and dreamed that she was irritatingly scratching at my keyboard until i woke up and saw that she was not there. Having cried so much at the time she left us, i thought i had run out of tears until this morning as the shock hit me again and a fresh wave of tears welled up.

If you have never had a pet you probably think i am being ridiculous.

But having Pickles literally made me who i am today and i know life wont be the same. Will i ever have another cat? Not any time soon. But if i do, they will absolutely be an adopted adult or senior in age. (the least likely to be adopted).

Needless to say i have been binging all afternoon. Which, if you know me is a huuuuuge mistake as i am sugar/wheat/glucose intolerent….at this moment, i am so stiff and swollen i can barely type.

Having indulged in 1 large box of truffles, 2 egg white omlettes, 1 bowl of veggie ramen (i wish they would make a spicy variety for vegatareans 😦 ) and 17 cups of hot chocolate. AND YES. IT HAD TINY MARSHMELLOWS….and yes…I picked out as many marshmellows from the jar as I could (like a boss) so my cup would have more than its fair share.

I didnt even go to school today. I just couldnt.

I dont think i have missed a class of any kind in 4 or more years. Even when i have a hospital worthy fever, or the time i split open my hand (13 stitches) and still went and did my plaster project.

That alone is a testament to my sorrow.

Last night i was smart enough to know to hide away all her toys (so many) as it is to soon for me to be reminded of her.

Due to the snow fall here today i am unsure if we can bury her this evening as planned :C will the ground be to frozen? I dont know. I hope not. When my dad told me he put her (in a fancy box) in the garage until the funeral all i could say to myself, alone in the house was “my babies in the garage….my babies in the GARAGE.

My friends are amazing. I am so stunned and touched by how many people have sent their thoughts out to me and by my friend from class who noticed my absence.

Thank you everyone for being so kind even if you may be one of those people who dont understand the tragedy of the loss of a pet.

And to those who have always said as Pickles health declined over the years “we are here for you when she goes” and I would answer “despite her deafness, her arthritis and her inabilitie to eat solids, i refuse to believe she would ever leave me.”
Thank you for trying to force me into reality in preperation none the less. I know. I am a damn stubborn person.

Now, I am off to binge on some more mini marshmellows.

I will try to make it to my class tomarrow despite the stiffness and inability to bend my knees in the morning due to eating all this crap.



P.S. I will continue filling you in on the bucketlist on another blog. TTFN..


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